BLUE LIKE JAZZ : 1 - Setting

One of the most interesting things about Blue Like Jazz for me was reading the reviews after opening weekend, before it opened near me - before I saw it.  One of the criticisms was that the portrayal of Reed College was over the top and sometimes unnecessarily vulgar.  After seeing it, I was under the impression that these critics were probably much like myself. Inexperienced. Sheltered. Tucked away in my holy huddle.

 My realization that I have never really been out of my comfort zone spiritually was a tough one to swallow.  I have rarely experienced life outside of Christian webs of support.  Don't read me wrong:  I have and do operate in non-Christian circles, but my Christian support is never far away. Even when I was in Mongolia I was there with fellow believers.  As I studied in the collegiate theatre world, I had my Campus Ministry friends waiting each night as I came home.  I wonder how true this is for others.  How often do we operate outside of Christian, or at the least moral, company?  I believe for most of us the answer is: rarely.

This then leads me to ask the question: How often did Jesus operate outside of expected Jewish circles? The answer a resounding: often.  He would not have been surprised by the best-friend lesbian, the atheist genius, the author cynic.  He wouldn't have been surprised by them, he would have befriended them. Known them, loved them. He would have taken the time to figure out why they were that way.  Just as he took the time to invest in the swindler, the embezzler, the liar, the whore.

I had to laugh at the portrayal of the church - not because it was so hokey (and it was!) but because it is so accurate.  Seeing it so plainly was almost comical.  We think that puppets and pinata crosses will minister to a generation that is growing up with school shootings and pornography and cutting.  We really have no idea what we are up against, and when we see a real portrayal of how yearning souls live out their longing, we assume it's "over the top". It's not.  It's scandalous, and offensive, and very real.

But it's more than just the culture that offends - Christians tend to forget that the culture is made up of people.  People who make decisions because on a life they have lived.  Because of a parent they have lost.  Because of a hurt that hasn't healed.  Because of a truth they have never known.  Because of a treasure they haven't found, a freedom they so desperately want.

I don't know what it is like to be in a culture where if you believe in God, then you are labeled "foolish", "stupid", "close-minded". I mean on a small scale I know this - but I have never been ashamed.  But I can see how I so easily could be.  Blue Like Jazz made me ask the questions - Have I ever dared go where my faith is persecuted? Would I go if I was called to such a place - alone? Would I stand if I went?  What does it look like to love my neighbor as myself when all of my neighbors are the 'heathens' I've spent my whole life learning how to avoid relationship with?  What do I think of he ways I was brought up in "church" and how has that effected how I operate in the desperate and broken and wonderfully diverse waiting-to-be-free world?

CHARACTER: Me

SETTING: Christian, Moral Community - easy
SETTING: Broken, Real World - messy

CONFLICT: I've been called to more mess than ease. So now what?

Cross it off the Bucket List!

Tonight, I cross this off my bucket list:

"See my name on the big screen"

I should clarify that I don't think this was consciously on my Bucket List; but after seeing it there and the excitement that I  felt throughout the production process it marks something significant for me.  Dave and I financially supported the film in it's creation phase and therefore my name (Dave knew this was more my cup of tea) appeared with 3,000 of my fellow Associate Producers.  It's been fun getting a personal call from the director (although Dave did hijack that experience :) ), and having input on some things like the promotional poster as well as hearing the stories from production. The whole story of the film's birth is unique and I am glad I was part of it.

I'll begin a series of posts that share some of my thoughts and responses to the movie over the next few days.

My quick review is this:

If you take seriously the call to love God and love others - or wrestle with what that looks like in an authentic context, you should see this movie.  If you are passionately in love with the American church and hesitant to admit the ways it has misrepresented Christ, you may be offended.  If you are not a Christian and you are intrigued by  non-religious, thought provoking issues about God and life, you should see this movie.

This movie did not leave me feeling good; it's not tidy. There are some things that purposefully (I believe) don't resolve (re: jazz). But my wheels are turning and I am thinking about how I live my life and what I think about God and Christianity and my story, and my heart is soft. I laughed (a lot) and cried and wanted to clap as the credits rolled - but I didn't because I was holding on to the contemplative atmosphere that was in the theater.

I did point and yell "There I am! There's my name!" when it scrolled up. I dont; suppose that helped the mood. Oh well.

Wouldn't you know it; I was the only 'Brystal'. ;)

Father Time is a Tortoise

I watched a friends precious girls today.  It is good for me to get a baby back in my hands every once in a while. Today I dug out my sling and carried Sweet Baby Girl to the park, all snuggled and sleeping against my chest.  I miss those days. As I watched the other three munchkins run ahead on the sidewalk, laughing and squealing I just took a deep breath and did my best to slow time. A few blocks later I watched them run the bases of a local Little League field, felt the sun on my face, shielded Baby from the cool breeze, I again breathed deeply of that sweet moment.

Forget the laundry, the pillows I've been meaning to re-cover, the jungle of weeds waiting to become something beautiful. My "to do's" and lists often make me feel like there aren't enough hours in the day.  But when I don't rush him, Father Time can be as persistently and pleasantly slow as a tortoise. 

My oldest just turned 8. Time does fly. But I wouldn't want it to stop. There are so many more things to discover with each new season and stage.  I don't wish it to stop, but I don't want to rush it either. I think the difference is mostly perspective.  Today, I didn't try to accomplish a bunch. I took each hour at a time and gave myself to what was in front of me. I said "yes" instead of "maybe later".  A walk to the park,  a chat with a friend, books at nap time, coloring Easter eggs after school (better late than never?!), dinner and opera singing in the kitchen before baths, bowling, and bed. When I look back on today I didn't waste it, but I also didn't over plan it.
I am learning, that there is value in the seasons of slow.  I tend to be one who is always looking for the next big thing.  My next project, cause, assignment, change.  But I think I am being called into a season of slow and steady.  Not just "un-busy-ness" but a season where I learn to value time - to use it well. Not necessarily the most efficiently, but the most effectively. Take walks, do crafts, read books, ask questions, seek answers, listen.

How do I quit rushing time by filling it so full it's always about to spill over with the tiniest jolt? How do I manage it in a way that keeps my responsibilities accomplished, but makes my mind resist the endless list-making?

I want more days like today.