Why I Don't Homeschool

We all make choices. What to wear, what to eat, how to discipline, what to read, where to shop, how fast to drive, what to say, what not to say.  We all make choices and we tend to think (whether we admit it or not) that our choices are better than those that choose otherwise.

Why would we make a choice we thought wasn't best?

Granted, there are times we wish we'd made a better choice.  But when it comes to the big things - how to raise your  kids, how to spend your money, where to live, etc; we often feel a need to justify and defend our decisions.  And it's really great if we can convince others that they should make the same decision we did - cause somehow that means we are right.  And we like to be right, don't we?

Right about the time I started this blog I had a post that vaguely talked about an issue I was wrestling with; something that was a really tough decision for me.  I couldn't see a clear leading either way...initially.

So here it is.  The issue was "Do I homeschool our kids? Or not?" It's always a question a I get when people find out I have an education degree.  I've always said that if it seemed like the best thing for  one of them I would, but that I didn't think that that meant I had to for all of them.  Furthermore, I work in and respect the public school system - especially here where our schools and teachers are outstanding.   Move me somewhere where that isn't true and I might change my tune.   This was always my stance: I am not saying I wouldn't, I just haven't felt called to it.

So here was the dilemma - I was starting to feel like I "should" homeschool - but not that I was necessarily "called" to homeschool.  Does that make sense?  Let me explain.  I have friends that homeschool, I have more friends that homeschool now... and sometimes it seemed that the "right" and "Christian" thing to do is to homeschool. This was the spoken and unspoken vibe I often got.  But as I wrestled...and I mean wrestled, with this decision it became more and more clear to me that there was much to consider in this decision. It was not black and white. For us.

I want to be respectful, because as many of you know, I am not one who is easily influenced by others. I speak MY mind and make MY own decisions, so you need to know that these influences where coming from people that I love and respect.  I do believe that some of them have made this decision out of a clear calling from the LORD and I bless them in that decision.  My difficulty comes with the instances of trying to convince others that their decision is the best...for everyone.  Often, this is accompanied by an implication that if they would really listen to God, they too would come to the conclusion that homeschooling is right, and other forms of education are wrong...or at least a mild form of neglectful parenting.

Let's remember what I said before - you make and act on decisions because you believe them to be best. I get that.

The longer I wrestled, the more uneasy I became about homeschooling.  And I felt horrible about it.  I felt guilty, because there had become this stern voice inside that said, "If you really love your kids, and want them to excel, and be good Christians, then you should homeschool them." Conversely, "If you are an incapable parent, who cares not about feeding your children to the droning machine of society and immorality you will choose the EASY option of institutional education."

I loved the idea of more time with my kids.  I love my kids, most of us do.  I loved the idea of expanded curriculum, more time to connect spiritual life with everyday learnings, creating a school room, more fluid schedules, and the list goes on and on. I even think it would be really fun. I really like the idea of having more control over my kids' influence. Stop the bus.  There it was. 'I' and 'control'.

I have a deep belief that as a parent my job is to make my kids independent, functioning, contributing, and influencing members of society.  That my job is to slowly and gently guide them as they become who God made them to be.  To give them the tools and experiences to be radical lovers of their neighbor and glorifiers of their Maker.  To slowly give over my control of them and teach them how to follow the Spirit in, sometimes difficult and dark places.  To love and engage with those who don't think they way they do.  To root and establish them in truth and love so that they can navigate the waters of diversion with courage, steadfastness and grace.  While some see this as a clear reason to increase my influence over them and their education, I realized it was a clear call to continue to send them to public school.

Over the next months God has continued to affirm our decision...for our family.

Here's how it played out.  I was subbing at the public school for the first time since this big battle in my heart started.  As I walked down the hallway it was as if the LORD was shining lights on certain kids; kids from great Christ-following families, great kids, who are influencing their friends in important ways. It was a clear message that 'Christian' does not equal 'homeschool'.  Not even close.  Something I knew, but needed to be reminded of.

Next was my struggle with having kids that are seemingly more capable than the grade level curriculum they are given.  I ran across a "First Day of School Letter" on Pinterest that really put my feelings into words.  It basically says "I don't send you to school to be the smartest, or best.  I send you to school to practice being kind." That resonated so deeply.  I don't really care if my kid is the smartest. GASP.  I don't.  Yes, I want him to be all God created him to be. I believe he can become that by moving at grade level pace with his peers.  I think all of my kids have the ability to do more than they are required, and I will continue to challenge their thinking here at home. (Because, I do still have time with them). But the fact that academics are easy will increase the time they have to practice loving.  If one of them proves to be an athletic type, well then we will encourage them to work hard, to lead well, to influence team members - to love well.  And if they win, great.  You see, I've adopted this montre that God isn't looking for superheros (or super smarties), He's looking for servants.  Public school is a great place for my kids to develop their love for their neighbor. So, yes, at home I could teach my nine year old algebra - but I can't teach him how to navigate the playground with his peers, how to pick out the kid in his class who bullies and encourage him to try to figure out his story.  He'll learn algebra with the others, and he'll still get to go to college, if that's what is in store, even though he didn't learn Latin.

My last and biggest hurdle was this idea that "good" parents homeschool.  That the sacrifice of time and sanity that it takes to homeschool is what "good" parents choose.  That somehow, sending your kids to school each fall, putting them on the bus each morning was easy.  That if I sent my kids to public school I somehow cared, even loved them less.  I love my kids. I miss them when they are at school.  I want to protect them from the evils of the world, from the names, and hurts they experience that I can't prevent.  Sending them to school is not easy.  It is a faith-filled, prayer covered, daily surrendered decision to let go of control.  An exercise in entrusting them to the one who loves them even more than I do.  This decision also makes it increasingly important to maximize the time I do have with them. To really engage with them in the waking hours they are home.  To spill my faith all over them while they are with me, and to intentionally parent beyond finishing homework and brushing teeth.  This, friends, is definitely not easy.

I recently finished Just Courage by Gary Haugen.  In the last few chapters came my latest confirmation, that our family's decision to stay in public school was right for us.  He talks about how you can't be brave and safe.  That Jesus calls us to risk, to give up security, to be brave.  Simply, I want to be brave.  I want brave kids that take risks for the kingdom.  For me homeschooling was safe, a way towards ensuring that I did whatever I could to produce skilled, successful, spiritual children. Public school is a courageous choice, for us.

Here comes the hard part, and I really want to be heard here.  I am not trying to convince anyone that public school is the "right" choice.  I don't want someone to ignore a call to homeschool.  I think there are certain families that are clearly called and follow in obedience into homeschooling.  I see great advantages to it.  However, I also see a lack of Christians offering their reasons for NOT homeschooling.  As I wrestled, it seemed that on one side were families that decide after careful consideration to homeschool, and on the other, families who don't consider how to educate their kids and, so, send them to public school as a default.  I wanted to speak on behalf of those who have carefully considered  and are following in obedience by choosing to send our kids to public school.

I also want you to hear this: How you choose to educate your children is highly specific to your family.  As I said before,  we make our choices based on what we believe to be best.  So, if you homeschool - you believe it's best. I choose to send my kids to public school, I think it's best.  We that take the time to consider would not choose something second rate.  Here is my request - that we not try to convince others of our "rightness".  That we not assume that our choice is best for everyone.

I also want to cover this whole post in grace.  I know there are a lot of controversial things in this discussion including the implication that things like 'loving your neighbor' cannot be practiced outside of a school setting.  I am not implying this.  I am only sharing part of the journey that I took in our decision.  I am not looking to defend my decision, or to put homeschooling families on the defensive.  I am simply, but apparently not briefly, sharing my experience.



Post Script - For inquiring minds, this is by no means an exhaustive list of reasons for our decision.  There are others, but as I have said, they are personal and specific to our situation. I also want to inform that before posting I had some homeschooling as well as public school parents read my post.  Their feedback was appreciated.