A while back I read a story by an author who enjoyed writing at a window that overlooked his yard. He was, at the time wrestling with a decision; wondering what God wanted him to do. As he looked out that window he saw his children playing in the yard. He wondered how he would respond if his children asked him if they should play in the front yard or the backyard. (A question much like the one he was asking God.) He chuckled as he realized that he didn't really care where they played. He just wanted then to play. He then wondered if this is often how God responds to us when we struggle so hard to make a decision between two good things - really leaving it up to us - as long as we engage.
I am wrestling with one of those decisions. Last night, in fact, it weighed quite heavy on my mind. I don't remember mentally writhing over something so much in my adult life. Now, granted it is bigger than, "where do we vacation this year" or "who should I call for coffee" - much bigger. But I wonder if I am feeling so 'un-led' because He has freed me to decide - and He waits ready to affirm and bless whatever that choice is.
I don't think the wrestling is over for me. I think the wrestling is good for me, and perhaps God has just not revealed his preference to me yet. But practicing the arts of listening and waiting are valuable lessons in any situation; I won't rush it...even though I would really like to speed up the process.
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